Ep. 13: The Advice He Wishes You’d Listen To
Sex, Lust & Love...What Matters?
“Women would do well to make an effort not to change. There’s an old saying that I believe Albert Einstein said and it goes something like this: Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.” -A 49-year-old married professor from N. Dakota.
How eloquently his advice sums up one of the fundamental differences between men and women, especially when it comes to relationships.
This gentleman’s answer was in response to the following question:
“Is there any advice you’d love to give women about men and relationships?”
At the end of each interview, I asked the men to add anything they felt would be helpful for women to know when it comes to being in a relationship with a man and understanding him better.
There were so many great responses, so I thought this week we could explore some of the advice men would love to give women about relationships and men.
Here’s what some of them had to say:
“Don’t give your whole heart to the guy on the second date. Hold out a little and make sure he’s worth it and deserves you. Women go all in way too quickly and most men don’t deserve this.”-A 69-year-old divorced retired researcher from Jamaica.
“Don’t go out looking for Mr. Right, just put yourself in a position to meet people and make sure you’re having fun. He will find you, trust me.”-A 53-year-old divorced business owner from Queens, NY.
“Stop forcing men into commitments. Men want to think it’s their idea to get married and settle down, we don’t want to feel like it’s being forced down our throats.”-A 52-year-old single Barber from Philadelphia, PA.
“Give him a blowjob every morning and he will never leave you or complain about you and you will guarantee that he will have an amazing day.”-A 38-year-old single small business owner from South Florida.
“Be more selective about the guy you decide to commit to. Why do women commit to men who so clearly don’t deserve them?”-A 39-year-old separated real estate agent from Jupiter, FL.
“Be more spontaneous.”-A 51-year-old single investment banker from the Czech Republic.
“Women should be more aggressive sexually.”-A 43-year-old married real estate broker from Philadelphia, PA.
“Learn when to walk away and actually do it. Another thing; women don’t realize that men actually do have feelings and they do get hurt quite a bit, we just don’t let you see it.” -A 37-year-old single banker from South Florida.
“We need you just as much as you need us.”-A 40-year-old divorced Chef from Philadelphia, PA.
“Women need to ask better questions. Men don’t read into your questions, so they answer what you ask. If you aren’t getting the answers you’re looking for, then start asking better questions. Ask ones that are directly related to what you want to know, not ones that are kind of related; we’re terrible at reading your mind.”-A 49-year-old divorced teacher from Guyana.
Some profound advice if you ask me.
“The reason black men want to date white women is because black women have a terrible attitude toward men and that needs to change immediately. White women are so much nicer to men.”-A 51-year-old married truck driver from Philadelphia, PA.
“Figure yourself out first, don’t look to a guy to do that for you.”-A 40-year-old married Artist from Fort Lauderdale, FL.
“Your first impression is always spot on. If he smells like a douche bag then he’s probably a douche bag and you should run.”-A 39-year-old single general contractor from South Florida.
“If you’re not getting what you need, then walk away immediately because you are never going to change him.”-A 50-year-old divorced restaurant owner from Philadelphia, PA.
If you really want to, you can try to change him, but both you and he will most likely end up being miserable and life it just too damn short for that.
“If you need to talk to him about something, don’t approach him like you’re a counselor. Men don’t want to feel like they’re being schooled by a woman.”-A 48-year-old single sales executive from North Jersey.
“Don’t stop having sex with your husband once you have children. This is more hurtful and painful for us than you realize.”-A 54-year-old divorced Engineer from South Florida.
“Be the change that you want to see in the man or the relationship. If you want him to act a certain way or do something, don’t nag him, do it for yourself and he will learn by watching you. We’re really not that smart and are usually looking for clues or help from you.”-A 36-year-old married recruiter from South Florida.
“Just because a guy is having sex with you doesn’t mean he’s in a relationship with you.”-A 56-year-old single marketing executive from Boston, MA.
“Give us a hot meal, a cold beer, the remote control and a blowjob…and we’re happy. Of course we need a little more than that, but in general women should realize that’s pretty much it.”-A 42-year-old single real estate agent from South Florida.
The more I research and write about men, the more I realize just how insightful and sensitive they really are. Men almost always have a woman’s best interests at heart.
If you notice the theme running throughout their advice, it has to do with us (women) knowing who we are and trusting ourselves.
I think the main thing they are trying to say here is: know who you are and what you want and don’t settle for anything less, figure yourself out first and always ask clearly for what you need.
In the end, men want to deliver and come through for us; but we don’t always give them a clear roadmap.
I have to admit that I was pleasantly reminded of the wonderful advice both married and single men have for women and I think their simple approach makes a heck of a lot of sense; the questions is…will we heed it?
Men: If you’re interested in being interviewed, please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org