Ep. 4: Does He Ever Get Lonely?
Someone once asked me, “Do you think men ever get lonely?” My response at the time was, “It sure doesn’t seem like it.”
About eleven years ago I was going through a divorce and found myself feeling incredibly lonely. I knew that over time things would get better, but I always wondered if my ex-husband felt as lonely as I did.
Ep. 4: Does He Ever Get Lonely?
So I asked the question:
“Do You Ever Get Lonely?”
“Yes I do get lonely and sometimes it’s as often as several times a week. I think loneliness can happen to anyone at any time. To me though, loneliness happens when I’m feeling separated from the people or things around me.”
I asked him how he handles it when he does feel lonely. He told me,
“The way I handle it is to work on engaging with whatever I’m doing. A busy mind can help relieve loneliness. However, I do think that loneliness and depression are two sides of the same coin.” -A 67-year-old married building consultant from Pennsylvania.
A 58-year-old single entrepreneur from Charlottesville, VA told me, “Sadly no, I don’t get lonely. Deep down I know companionship is something that is highly valued but there’s something in me that doesn’t quite believe that it’s always possible. To me that’s kind of sad. The benefit is, if I find it in a meaningful way, then I will have exceeded my expectations.”
Ok, so maybe not all men get lonely.
“Yes I get lonely but never enough to settle, not yet anyway. I decided to get a dog though and that made a big difference because he’s a pretty good companion.” -39 year-old single office manager from South Florida.
A 50-year-old married investment banker from Western PA shared, “No, not often, but if I do, I usually hire a hooker and that tends to take care of everything.”
“I haven’t found myself lonely in a long time but do I remember a difficult time in my life when I felt lonely. I was younger and getting laid off for the second time and at the time my wife was dying and we had three young children. I guess you could say that I felt pretty lonely then. I later realized that I had lost track of myself and who I was. For me, the best way to handle it was to start focusing on myself and who I was. Once I did that, I found it pretty hard to be lonely.” -74-year-old married retired government employee from Pennsylvania.
“Yes I do get lonely; sometimes it’s for someone from my past and sometimes it’s for general companionship, but overall it’s still loneliness. I decided to get a dog and that helped a lot but I still wanted another person around, so I got a roommate and it’s been great.” – A 28-year-old Pharmaceutical sales rep from Scranton, PA.
A 47–year-old physician from Upstate New York shared, “Yes, I would say that I do get lonely. I get lonely for the way things used to be, for love, holding hands, communicating, slowing down and having time for each other as a couple. Once you have kids, there is no more time for you and your spouse because there are so many interruptions. Talking about it doesn’t seem to help and usually creates more conflict, especially if your partner isn’t on the same page. I usually just wait it out and eventually things change a bit.”
So, do I think men ever get lonely?
Yes, it seems to me that a lot of men do and they long for many of the same things women do: companionship, love and connection.
We can be surrounded by many people and feel terribly lonely, and we can be completely alone and enjoy every minute of it.
For me though, loneliness is a state of mind and one that can only be changed with a different perspective.
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