Heidi Doheny Jay: Author - TV Host - Blogger

Heidi Doheny Jay is an author, blogger, TV Host and published columnist who explores the mysteries of life, relationships and what makes men and women tick.




Ep. 6: Could We Ever Be More Than Just Friends?

I believe that close male friends can add a wonderful perspective to a woman’s life and diversity to her friendships. But what happens if you find yourself having more than friendship feelings for one of those male friends.

Do men ever consider dating their close female friends and is it possible for them to see something more between the two of you?

Many years ago I developed very strong feelings for a close male friend that I was initially attracted to when we first met. It took me 4 years to build up the courage to tell him how I really felt.

We worked together for several years and became very good friends. I eventually fell in love with him but was terrified to tell him how I really felt for fear of ruining our friendship.

I’ve always thought that once you become like a sister to a guy, there‘s no turning back for them and they can never again look at you as more than just a friend.

So this week’s question comes from me.

I wondered what one hundred or so men felt about crossing the line with a close female friend and if they could ever see the possibility of being anything more than just friends.

Ep. 6: Could We Ever Be More Than Just Friends?

So I asked the question:

“Is it possible to fall in love with a close female friend that you’ve had a strictly platonic friendship with?”

“Yes I do, and I don’t have to have been attracted to her when we met. My feelings could develop over time and I could suddenly find myself in love with her.” -34-year-old single business owner from Fort Lauderdale, FL.

A 47-year-old single business owner from North Jersey shared, “Yes, it’s the perfect scenario because you’ve been yourself and you don’t worry about being judged or self conscious. It’s very liberating and free, and I would love for that to happen.”

“Absolutely, there is always something attractive about your female friends even if it’s not physical attraction, they can give you another perspective on things. I would say yes, it’s totally possible and actually ideal.”-41 year-old single VP of Sales from Fort Lauderdale, FL.

Some men confirmed my suspicions.

“For me no, I couldn’t fall in love with one of my female friends. I have to be physically attracted to the woman and if I’m now good friends with her then I’m probably not attracted to her in that way.”- A 54-year-old divorced Engineer from Baltimore, MD.

A 58-year-old widowed retired International Banker from the Czech Republic told me, “No, probably not. If I’m into her, then it will hit me right away when we first meet. For me, love has to hit me right up front when we meet, if it doesn’t, then I usually just end up being friends with her and that’s it.”

“I suppose it’s possible but pretty rare. If the chemistry wasn’t there in the beginning then I would say the guy is probably settling and one should never settle.”-A 37-year-old single self-employed businessman from Jacksonville, FL.

Some men just aren’t sure if it’s worth risking the friendship.

A 29-year-old single student from Virginia told me, “If we met and I was never physically attracted to her then no, there’s no way that would happen. Men don’t usually slowly become attracted to a woman. However, if there was even the slightest bit of attraction in the beginning, then yes it’s possible.”

“Guys kind of know pretty quickly if it’s going to be platonic or not with a woman but I suppose it could happen. It’s not happened to me but I could see the possibility of it happening, but it’s risky because you could end up losing the friendship.” -32-year-old single musician from Raleigh, NC.

“Yes, its possible. My last girlfriend was my best female friend and unfortunately it didn’t work out and we lost the friendship, which is really sad. In my culture though, it’s more important to find a wife and a family because friends don’t usually last.” -28-year-old single IT management consultant from Egypt.

It seems that some men can fall in love with a close female friend without having been initially attracted to her. This surprised me.

I personally think that if you don’t have an initial attraction to a person then the likelihood of falling in love with them is very slim.

The majority of the men seem to be open to the possibility of something more but, for most of them, it appears to be based on the assumption that they were initially attracted to the woman.

I’ve clearly been proven wrong this week because the majority of men felt that they could fall in love with one of their close female friends and some even took the risk to see if it would work out.

If you find yourself in this situation and you happen to fall in love with each other, then you just might have found the perfect match.

I did finally tell my friend how I felt but unfortunately he didn’t feel the same way.

We managed to get over the awkwardness of the situation and remained extremely good friends.

To this day, he is one of my closest friends but it’s funny how time can change things.

I couldn’t imagine dating him now because he’s become like a brother to me and I wouldn’t change that for the world.