Ep. 7: Does He Believe in Love at First Sight?
Many people believe they’ve experienced love at first sight and are certain of its existence, while others feel it’s simply rapture and lust disguised as love.
Anthropologist, Helen Fisher PhD discusses in her article, The Realities of Love at First Sight appearing in O, Oprah Magazine November 2009, how real the experience of love at first sight can be for both men and women. She explains the science of meeting someone new and how we go about sizing them up immediately.
Dr. Fisher explains: “We are built to instantly size up a potential partner, an intuitive skill that likely developed millions of years ago as our forebears struggled to rapidly sort friends from enemies.”
She goes on to say that for both men and women, it takes less than one second to determine if we are attracted to another person. It takes an average of 3 minutes to determine if someone is a good match for us, and typically women then go on to assess how deep a man’s voice is and the types of words he uses to further gauge compatibility.
I think it’s safe to assume, however presumptuous it may be, that most women believe in love at first sight, but how do men feel about this subject?
This week’s question comes from a single woman in her late 30’s who was curious if men believe in love at first sight.
So we asked the question:
“Do You Believe in Love at First Sight?”
“No, not really. I think it’s initially immediate infatuation with the person but not real love.” –A single 49-year-old single healthcare worker from Miami, FL.
A 48- year-old self–employed divorced man from the Midwest shared: “No I don’t. I believe in it at the movies on a Saturday afternoon, but not in real life. I think you can be attracted to someone immediately, but it’s not love, you don’t even know them.”
“I believe in lust at first sight but not love. How could you possibly love someone before you even get to know them?”- A 42-year-old single sales executive from Boca Raton, FL.
About three quarters of the men I interviewed told me they did not believe in love at first sight. However, there are men out there who wholeheartedly believe it’s possible.
A 49-year-old Pharmaceutical Manager from Jacksonville Beach, FL told me: “Yes absolutely! When I met my wife, I told her that day that I was going to marry her. I knew immediately that she was the one and was special.”
A 30-year-old single business owner from South Florida also agrees: “Yes I do because it happened to me once and I’ll never forget it.”
“Absolutely I do, although I do think sometimes it can end up being lust at first sight. You generally buy a book based upon the cover. The cover looks good, you take the book home, you read it, only to find out that the book actually sucks. The same thing can happen with relationships.”- A 43-year-old single wireless sales executive from Rochester, NY.
A 25-year-old single man in the military told me this story: “One time I went to a diner for breakfast and I saw this girl and I instantly got goose bumps and could swear that I knew her from somewhere. We both stared at each other for quite some time and we figured out that we didn’t know each other but I instantly felt like I knew her very well and had a strong connection with her that was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. It was one of the coolest and eeriest experiences I’ve ever had. I could swear that I knew her from like another lifetime or something; I will never forget it. If that is love at first sight, then yes I believe in it.”
How do I define love at first sight? It’s that exhilarating yet peaceful sense of finally arriving home the moment you’ve met someone. It’s like no other feeling you’ve ever experienced, and impossible to forget.
Love, like many things, is subjective, but as Dr. Fisher noted: “Whether it’s love at first sight or love in hindsight, those first three minutes are essential for romance.” More importantly, she adds: “So when you do feel an immediate click, go ahead and trust your instincts.”
I have to agree with Dr. Fisher and the one quarter of the men I interviewed who believe that love at first sight is completely possible.
So if you’re unsure if it’s ever happened to you, then it probably hasn’t because there is no questioning it; you’ll feel it the moment you meet.